5 More Things That I Hate About Movies

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 The Following is a running list of things that bother me about movies:

1. No dropped calls except during emergencies. What frustrates me about this is that the only place that I drop calls is at my own house. So if you call me while I am watching a movie, I might pause a movie that this is happening, only to drop the call mid-sentence.
2. People lie in bed with blankets up to their neck. I can understand if every movie took place in Alaska. During the winter. But sometimes it is annoying trying to get that PG-13 Rating.
3. People hold their hands up to the oppisite sides of a glass window. The only time that I can say that people really do this, is at the zoo. At an ape exhibit.
4. When people go crashing through something, the hole is shaped like them. This isn't reserved for cartoons. Check out one of my favorite movies as a kid, Hook.
5. People represent themselves in court without law degrees. And win. I am not saying that this doesn't happen in real life. The thing is, when these "based on real life" events make it to a movie, it is because it is incredible and not normally the case.
6. Fight Dancing. Nobody in the history of the world has ever had a fight dance.
7. When people say “If I’ve ever meant anything to you…” to an ex to ask for a favor. In movies this precedes a ridiculous request that is usually illegal, completely inappropriate or something to save a marriage.
8. A pregnant woman’s water always breaks. This is something that I didn’t realize until I had kids. In reality, fewer than 15% of women have a rupture. When it does happen, it is usually a small trickle, not a reverse geyser.
9. Opposing sharpshooters that can’t hit each other in the final showdown. Just because two different characters have been bad-ass for the previous 90 minutes doesn’t mean that their skills nullify one another.
10. People kissing in the rain. I understand that this can be visually striking and it exemplifies when people are so in love that they don’t care about their surroundings. With the exception of children, slip-n-sliders and people during a drought, normal people don’t enjoy spending time in the rain.
11. When someone is stranded on an island and they suddenly become a tracker, hunter, builder and engineer. This is selling it short on how difficult any of these things are to not only learn, but to be able to perform. There is a reason why people that can do these are paid well (hunters and trackers are paid in food).
12. People having heart attacks are revived using paddles. This is something that I didn’t realize until I started working in an ER. People simply don’t use paddles anymore, unless they are internal. The first defibrillator was invented in 1899 and there have been many advances since the original. Now, resuscitation electrodes are placed on the front and back instead of on both sides of the heart.
13. Aliens have a grudge against large American cities with recognizable monuments.